The Truth That Killed
by Emiliya Wolfe
Summary: Several snap shots of the Black family in the 1970s based around Regulus's life choices. Regulus makes a promise that destroys him. A truth is hidden from Sirius until the day he dies.


**Written for the QLFC round 3.**

 **Keeper: Write about a Truth being hidden from somebody.**

 **Word count: 2,411**

* * *

Regulus was five and Sirius was six when Regulus realised that his older brother needed protecting. Sirius had befriended a Muggle from their neighbourhood - back when Grimmauld Place was still detectable to the world - and tried to bring him back home for tea.

Needless to say, Walburga wasn't very pleased.

That was when Regulus made a vow to himself; that he would draw attention away from his reckless brother whenever possible. Sirius would never know. After all, his pride wouldn't take it. But Regulus would, and that was all that mattered.

* * *

Regulus started on his plan in the best way he could - by withdrawing into himself whenever Sirius pleased their parents. If he had ever told his plan to an outsider, they probably wouldn't understand the reasoning behind it. But to Regulus, it made perfect sense.

He saw Sirius's eyes light up when he talked about Quidditch with Orion, discussing Chaser tactics and Beater bats, and decided not to mention that he liked to chase after the Snitch.

Instead, he left stolen Quidditch magazines lying around the house, letting Sirius believe that Great-Uncle Alphard had "forgotten" them when he came to visit. Whilst Sirius became an avid fan of the Tutshill Tornados, Regulus pretended Quidditch didn't interest him and spent his evenings chasing after the fireflies in the garden.

When Sirius came home complaining about the stupid calligraphy lessons they had to take with Cousin Narcissa, Regulus ran up to his parents to dutifully show them his painstakingly painted letters. He knew the price for conduct unbecoming a pureblood, and he was worried that Sirius would have to go to his room without dinner. Their parents showered Regulus with praise and gifted him a leather-bound booklet of his own.

That was the first time Sirius glared at him.

But Regulus didn't care - he preferred being the "golden boy" to Sirius being punished.

* * *

When the news came back that Sirius had been Sorted into Gryffindor - courtesy of their cousin Bellatrix - Regulus was unable to stop the Howler that Walburga sent his brother's way. But Orion had given one of his rare laughs, saying that Sirius had more spunk and personality than anyone else in the family.

Regulus hid in his room and tried to hide how much those words hurt. Whilst his parents argued over Sirius, Regulus helped Kreacher clean the house, happy to have something to keep him busy to forget about his failure.

Sirius came back for Christmas and was beaten for his Sorting. Regulus knew Walburga needed to run out of steam and so he kept quiet, but Sirius answered back, making it worse and worse until Kreacher needed to be called to help Sirius to his room. Regulus crept across the hall later to bring him food and water, but Sirius told him to go away, angry that his little brother hadn't done anything during the argument.

Regulus went back to his room in tears, upset that his secret vow wasn't working and that Sirius was suffering.

* * *

When it was Regulus's turn to be Sorted, he insisted the hat put him in Slytherin, even though it tried to put him in Gryffindor. The hat knew the truth, but didn't know how the lie protected the truth. Regulus won the argument in the end. And if there was a part of him that was relieved that he would not be receiving a Howler of his own, he buried it deep within his heart.

The fact was that he had read Sirius's letters about his three best friends and the way the other Gryffindors admired him for standing up to his family. Regulus wanted to let Sirius stay special and said nothing when Sirius told him he was as bad as the rest of their family.

Bellatrix ruffled his hair and told him he chose wisely.

* * *

During the year, Regulus did his best to send his parents weekly letters, filled with his prowess at school and never mentioning Sirius. They drew Walburga's attention, so much that she forgot to send angry letters to Sirius about being in Gryffindor and consorting with Mudbloods.

As for Bellatrix, he made sure to ask her all about the different types of curses she was learning. She was so busy teaching him that she didn't have time to bully Sirius in the halls anymore. Sirius thought that he could protect himself, defend himself from anything that came. That was the beauty of the Marauders. But Regulus knew better. He knew what spells the older kids leaned in the depths of the dungeons, in the dead of the night. Sirius would be powerless against them.

Regulus set about learning secrets, anyone's secrets, everyone's secrets. He blackmailed the older Slytherins so they would leave Sirius alone - with the added bonus of gaining the respect of his House.

Meanwhile, Sirius was blissfully happy.

* * *

'Mudblood.'

The word tumbled out of Regulus's mouth like rotten fruit, coating his tongue with disgust and leaving a bad taste that would last for days. It was only his second year, but he needed to do something to distract his family from listening to Sirius's vocal opinions on Muggleborns.

It caught Bella's attention - she had developed a sisterly affection for the youngest of the Blacks - and she started telling him about the rise of a Dark Lord. When the news got around to Sirius, he furiously told Regulus that he no longer recognised him, that he was ashamed to call him brother.

The words cut into the twelve-year-old's heart like ice, but if Sirius felt confident enough to reprimand Regulus in public, then Regulus's childish vow seemed as though it might be worth something after all.

So he continued to use the word and Sirius continued to despise him.

* * *

In the summer between Regulus's fourth and fifth year, Sirius decided to use permanently sticking charms on posters of Muggle girls to keep them on his wall. Orion cast Silencing Charms on the house as Walburga's screams reverberated off the walls. Sirius wasn't well enough to come to dinner for days, not until Regulus found enough old newspaper cuttings to make a collage of his own.

Calling his mother in to admire his work, Walburga praised her youngest son and Flooed Druella and Cygnus to boast.

Sirius was left to his own devices, but now he refused to even look at Regulus.

* * *

'It's all worth it, it's all worth it,' Regulus whispered to himself, sitting at the edge of his balcony with his arms wrapped around his knees.

His cheeks were hollow and his eyes betrayed his sleepless nights, but Sirius was looking happier than ever. Their parents had consented to Sirius getting a motorbike, though it was more like they hadn't noticed, what with Regulus's meeting with the infamous Dark Lord coming up.

'That's what makes it worth it,' Regulus reminded himself, remembering his brother's carefree laugh as he rode off to meet James Potter.

If he really concentrated, he could make himself believe the Dark Lord's teachings. If he studied enough pureblood propaganda, then he could make himself think that he was doing this for the greater good, and not one wild Gryffindor's good.

A crack sounded from behind him. Regulus looked up to see Kreacher holding up a small banoffee pie.

'Happy birthday, Master Regulus,' the House-elf offered him a small smile. 'What will you be wishings for this time?'

Regulus took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

 _I wish Sirius could make it out of this house alive and happy._

* * *

Regulus's wish almost didn't come true.

A mere two weeks later, Regulus had been monopolising the conversation, talking about the merits of Lord Voldemort and his followers, when Walburga suddenly interrupted.

'Oh, dear, I almost forgot!' she said, laying a hand on Orion's arm. 'Bella's got her Mark! Isn't that wonderful news?'

Regulus almost sighed with relief. He wasn't talkative by nature, and their evening meals were starting to drain him. He sat back to listen to his parents talk. However, before Orion could reply, the cutlery and glasses shuddered as Sirius got up, banging his leg against the underside of the table.

'Wonderful news?' he asked, his expression dark and stormy. 'Wonderful news? I suppose you could call it that, if you were a fan of maiming and killing innocent people!'

'Now, now, Sirius,' Orion stated calmly, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin. 'You know perfectly well that those measures are only applied to Muggles. Muggleborns are very welcome in our society, so long as-'

He was cut off by Sirius banging his fist against the table. Regulus watched Walburga's glass of red wine tip, staining the white tablecloth blood red. Kreacher rushed forwards, only to receive one of her infamous backhands. Regulus squeezed his eyes shut.

 _Don't, Sirius, it's not worth it, just don't_ , he pleaded inwardly. But that was forgetting who his brave, foolish brother just was.

'So long as you murder their parents in cold blood? You know what? I can't stand being here, living under the same room as you bigoted purists. I'm leaving!'

'Leave then!' Walburga screeched, pointing towards the door. 'Just know that if you walk out of that door, you're not coming back!'

'Watch me, _mother_ ,' Sirius said, drawing out the last word as though it were poison.

As he started walking towards the door, Walburga snatched up her spilled glass and threw it at him. Luckily, Sirius's reflexes were honed by Quidditch and he ducked just in time to see the glass shatter against the door frame.

He looked back in horror before racing out, taking the stairs two at a time.

Regulus hesitated, looking from the doorway to his still screaming mother. Orion made the first move for him, jerking his head upwards before going to calm his wife.

Regulus needed no further prompting, silently climbing the stairs to Sirius's room. They met in the hallway. Sirius's trunk was already... or still…packed, his wand at the ready.

'Out of my way, Regulus,' Sirius growled, motioning to the side.

'Wait, Sirius,' Regulus pleaded. 'She'll calm down, she always does, you know that...'

'Stop making excuses for her, Reg!' Sirius cut through angrily. 'She's mental and you know it! You can't fix her. Are you getting out of my way, or do I have to force you?'

'Sirius, you can't leave!' Regulus meant to shout, but it came out as a whisper. Tears formed in his grey eyes, whereas Sirius's blue ones were glinting with anger. 'Don't leave me alone here. You're my brother, her son. If you just stopped antagonising her, if you only expressed your views in secret-'

'In secret?' Sirius asked contemptuously. 'Just like you're only my brother in secret? Only speaking to me at Hogwarts when no one is around, only coming to my help when the damage is done. We stopped being brothers a long time ago, _Reggie,_ ' he spat out the childhood nickname. 'Because a brother would help me, defend me, be on my side. And you've made it perfectly clear which side you're on.'

Sirius nodded towards the green Prefect badge Regulus had received by owl that morning. Walburga had forced him to pin it to his jumper for the day. Regulus knew immediately that his brother wasn't talking about being a Prefect, but being a Slytherin.

Didn't Sirius see? Regulus wanted to scream, to shout, but his voice was locked within his throat. All that he did, he did for his brother, to protect him from Walburga's wrath, Bellatrix's hexes, the Dark Lord's future curses.

But by now, Regulus was too used to staying silent about his feelings, and so watched as Sirius pushed past him and out of the front door.

A few minutes later, he heard his parents arguing and walked down the stairs to the drawing room, watching from the doorway as Walburga tried to blast Sirius's name off the tapestry.

'He's not my son! Do you hear me?' she screeched. 'I only have one son!'

'Mother, no!' Regulus answered back for the first time in his life, but his cry went unnoticed.

Walburga had already cast the spell, burning a hole through Orion's hand instead of the tapestry.

Regulus watched with wide eyes as his father pushed his mother into one of the armchairs and told her to wait whilst he went to find their son, emphasising the end of his sentence. As he passed Regulus in the hallway, Orion gave him a long look and a disappointed shake of the head before venturing into the night.

* * *

It was Regulus's sixth year at Hogwarts when Sirius first tried to curse him.

'You're just a bloody Death Eater, that's all you are!' Sirius yelled, not caring who heard.

Regulus said nothing. How could he? Sirius was telling the truth. He couldn't tell Sirius he did it for him, to keep him off of the Dark Lord's hit list, to make sure that he wasn't targeted in their run ins with the Order of the Phoenix.

It had been too long and Regulus had gone too far to tell Sirius now. His brash brother with the heart of gold wouldn't understand how Regulus could sacrifice the many to save the few.

Regulus wouldn't be able to explain that sacrificing the few would destroy the little good left in him.

* * *

The Dark Mark burned as brightly as the day it was seared onto his arm, signalling to Regulus that it was time to go. It was strange, being summoned without a mask or cloak, but such was the price of desertion. He knew he should have left England when he had the chance, but there was one piece of business left unfinished.

He pressed his wand to the Mark and almost immediately found himself on the battlefield, having to dodge curses flying right and left.

He recognised him at once though. How could he not? Sirius had a grace to him whilst duelling that no one seemed able to replicate, dancing and weaving and laughing through the spells.

Regulus quickly Confunded Bellatrix, who had been aiming a Cruciatus at Sirius's back, and her spell went wild. A few minutes later, he Stunned Barty, sending the boy to the ground with a mental apology. The younger Crouch was still at Hogwarts; he had no business being in a duel of this magnitude, even if he was exceptionally talented.

'Don't worry, Sirius,' Regulus vowed, avoiding the Light side and the Dark, hiding in the grey no man's land between. 'I'll protect you.'

* * *

The memories flashed through Regulus's mind, but they were so real that they almost seared his vision. He reached out, grasping at the air only to see his brother's image disappear.

'Sirius,' he croaked desperately.

'Once more, Master,' Kreacher said, the tremor in his voice belying the streams of tears rolling down his face. 'Only once more.'

'Will this save Sirius?' Regulus asked feverishly, his voice rough from screaming.

'Yes, Master,' Kreacher replied, blowing his nose on his tea cosy, feeding Regulus the liquid. 'You's is saving Master Sirius, Master Regulus.'

'Good,' Regulus relaxed, curling both hands to the cup as he drank the end of the potion. 'Good.'


End file.
